Author Archives: Edward Brownlee

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

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Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative care nurse, recorded patients’ dying epiphanies and put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware wrote of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how you might learn from her patients’ wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Bonnie Ware:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

References:

  1. Susie Steiner, Top five regrets of the dying, The Guardian, February 1, 2012.  https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

Faith is You Imagining a Higher Purpose

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Let me, Tony Robbins, ask you a question:

Do you believe that there’s something greater, something beyond ourselves?

Whatever you want to call that —God, or the universe, or infinite intelligence, or the divine mind, or energy—I truly believe God is a loving energy. And I believe that it only responds to absolute FAITH. Another word for absolute CERTAINTY.

I’ve seen in every aspect of life—whether its sports, performance, relationships, health—bringing certainty, a faith beyond what you see, to a situation that is uncertain, is one of the greatest resources you can have.

And of course, there are still no guarantees in life.

There’s always a test of faith. Every one of us, regardless of your age, gender, wealth or lack thereof, every one of us will be tested in ways we’re not ready for, multiple times, true or false?

Life tests us to see if we can find certainty in uncertain times. And the ultimate certainty is not that you get what you want. The ultimate certainty is the FAITH that life is benevolent, even when it looks like it’s not. It’s trust & patience to give it time to show us. It’s knowing that somehow everything has a higher meaning.

And I believe it’s our job to find it… If we can find the higher meaning in the midst of our pain & in spite of our fear, we become a source of love & inspiration for others. A source of certainty & safety for others, and that strengthens us for our own journey and service.

Life is always happening for us. If you develop that level of faith, you have an advantage in this game. We don’t get big muscles from the easy stuff. We become more because we’ve been through life’s difficulties.

So what’s the difference between fear & faith? Well, they are both made up—they are both energies in our imagination. The only difference is, FEAR is imagination undirected, running to the worst case scenario. FAITH is when our imagination is directed to higher purpose.

So, I choose faith. When you realize grace is always there, no matter what the outcome, that gives you a different level of faith in life itself, & a different love & appreciation for life and for every day we get on this earth.

Keeping the Roots Stronger

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Once upon a time, there were two neighbors living next to each other. One of them was a retired teacher and another was an insurance agent who had a lot of interest in technology. Both of them had planted different plants in their garden. The retired teacher was giving a small amount of water to his plants and didn’t always give a full attention to them, while the other neighbor interested in technology, had given a lot of water to his plants and looked after them too well.

The retired teacher’s plants were simple but looked good. The insurance agent’s plants were much fuller and greener. One day, during the night, there was a heavy rain and a wind due to a minor storm. Next morning, both of the neighbors came out to inspect the damage to their garden. The neighbor who was an insurance agent saw that his plants came off from the roots and were totally destroyed. But, the retired teacher’s plants were not damaged at all and were standing firm.

The insurance agent neighbor was surprised to see it, he went to the retired teacher and asked, “We both grew the same plants together, I actually looked after my plants better than you did for yours, and even gave them more water. Still, my plants came off from the roots, while yours didn’t. How is that possible?”

The retired teacher smiled and said, “You gave your plants more attention and water, but because of that they didn’t need to work themselves for it.  You made it easy for them.  While I gave them just an adequate amount of water and let their roots search for more.   And, because of that, their roots went deeper and that made their position stronger.  That is why my plants survived”.

Moral:  This story is about parenting where children are like plants.  If everything is given to them, they will not understand the hard work it takes to earn those things.  They will not learn to work themselves and respect it.  Sometimes it’s best to guide them instead of giving them.   Teach them how to walk, but let them follow their path.

Source: https://www.moralstories.org/keeping-roots-stronger/

Mindset and Financial Freedom

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Your mindset is a set of beliefs that shape how you make sense of and the filter through which you see the world and yourself. It is composed of your beliefs, attitudes, emotions, and perceptions that inform your thoughts, habits and decisions. It influences how you think, feel, and behave in any given situation. It means that what you believe about yourself impacts your success or failure.

Mindset encompasses both your conscious and unconscious thoughts as well as how you view yourself. Your mindset determines how you spend your time, who you spend your time with, what decisions you make, and where you invest your resources (time, talent and treasure). “The most important opinion you have is the one you have of yourself, and the most significant things you say all day are those things you say to yourself, “ argues author and self-help guru Zig Ziglar.

Choosing not to spend money on goods or services you ‘want’ when you have the financial means to do so is a transformative change in mindset.

A positive financial mindset sets you on a path towards greater aspirations, such as achieving financial freed or retiring early. By prioritizing your financial health through savings over frivolous spending, the opportunities available to you become limitless.

 

Go For It

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“What will you create? Whatever it is, run after it like we [Nvidia] did. Run. Don’t walk.

Remember: Either you’re running for food, or you are running from becoming food!

And oftentimes, you can’t tell which. Either way, run.”

Jensen Huang, the founder and CEO of Nvidia. He encouraged students to be agile for the opportunities brought by the AI revolution, to have the humility to admit failure and ask for help as well as to endure the needed pain and sacrifice for realizing their dreams in his commencement speech at National Taiwan University (NTU) on May 27 in Taipei.

Story – The Lion and the Clever Fox

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Long ago, there lived a lion in a dense forest. One morning his wife told him that his breath was bad and unpleasant. The lion became embarrassed and angry upon hearing it. He wanted to check this fact with others. So he called three others outside his cave.

First came the sheep. The Lion opening his mouth wide said, “Sheep, tell me if my mouth smells bad?” The sheep thought that the lion wanted an honest answer, so the sheep said, “Yes, Friend. There seems to be something wrong with your breath”. This plain speak did not go well with the lion. He pounced on the sheep, killing it.

Then the lion called the wolf and said, “What do you think? Do I have a bad breath?” The wolf saw what happened to the sheep. He wanted to be very cautious in answering a question. So, the wolf said, “Who says that Your breath is unpleasant. It’s as sweet as the smell of roses”. When the lion heard the reply, he roared in an anger and immediately attacked the wolf and killed it. “The flatterer!” growled the lion.

Finally, came the turn of the fox. The lion asked him the same question. The fox was well aware of the fate of the sheep and the wolf. So he coughed and cleared his throat again and again and then said, “Oh Dear Friend, for the last few days, I have been having a very bad cold. Due to this, I can’t smell anything, pleasant or unpleasant”.

The lion spared the fox’s life.

Moral:  Do not involve yourself in a bad company or a bad situation else you may end up getting punished for no fault of yours.  Sometimes, It’s wise to stay away from certain situations.

Source:  https://www.moralstories.org/lion-clever-fox/

Practicing Mindfulness

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